Ancient Truths, Modern Practice: Tikkun in the Therapy Room

What makes therapy truly healing, effective, and sacred? As I developed and began teaching AIR Therapy (Attuned Integrative Reconsolidation), I realized that before we even begin the deep work of trauma integration, we need to pay loving attention to the framework, foundations and setting in which healing can take place.

Powerful tools require sacred holding. Without an internal compass, a clear orientation to values, even the most advanced techniques can miss the mark. And worse, they can cause damage, ruptured trust, and despair.

Imagine handing someone a set of power tools, a high-speed drill, a nail gun, a blowtorch; without first teaching them about safety goggles, grounding wires, or protective gloves. The damage could be enormous. These tools can build homes, repair broken things, or cause harm if misused. The same is true in therapy. Trauma work can reach into the most tender, vulnerable places of the human soul. It’s sacred ground. If we’re going to enter it, we need to be steady, attuned, and guided by deep values.

The Torah teaches that there are three transgressions so severe that one is called to give up their life rather than commit them. Drawing from a source in Likutei Moharan (Tinyana 1:10), I’ve come to see that the opposites of these three transgressions can illuminate core therapeutic principles, creating the kind of ethical, attuned container where real tikkun (repair) becomes possible.

Rebbe Nachman writes:

וזה פירוש (פסחים כה): בכל מתרפאין — היינו, בכל דבר שבעולם יכולין להתרפאות, ובתנאי; חוץ מעבודה זרה וגלוי עריות ושפיכות דמים, דהיינו שלוש מדות הנ"ל, שהם בחינת שלוש עבודות כנ"ל. היינו, כשיצא משלוש מדות אלו — אזי: בכל מתרפאין.

“This is the meaning of the teaching (Pesachim 25): ‘With anything one may be healed’, that is, healing is possible through anything in the world, with one condition: except for idolatry, forbidden sexual relations, and murder. These correspond to the three qualities discussed above. When one has moved beyond these three traits, then: with anything one may be healed.”

In other words, once these fundamental distortions are cleared or transcended, everything can become a channel for healing. But without this ethical foundation, even the most powerful tools may do harm.

Regardless of which modalities or techniques you use as a therapist, holding these values as a foundation enhances both safety and effectiveness. We know that in therapy, it’s not just the destination that matters, it’s the process, the relationship, the unfolding itself that becomes a catalyst for transformation. Often, it’s not a specific intervention but the presence, attunement, and clarity of the therapist that creates the conditions for healing.

1. Emunah – Faith (the opposite of idolatry / Avodah Zarah)

Therapy becomes powerful when it begins with Emunah - faith.

Faith in ourselves: that we can show up with love, wisdom, and an attuned presence. Faith in our clients: in their innate soul-power, their deep desire for growth, and the integrity of their unfolding process. And even faith in their ‘parts’, their resistance to growth – their fear. It too has a need and good intention, opening the doors to connection and exploration. Faith in the process - like a birth, each person's healing has it's own organic unfolding.

This kind of faith keeps us from becoming controlling or rigid. It helps us stay in our lane and regulate our own internal system even when the waters of the therapeutic process get choppy. It allows for true partnership, grounded in humility and trust.

In a therapeutic context, Avodah Zarah can show up as misplaced loyalty, to external systems, rigid models, or even our own fear-based agendas. When we rely more on protocols than on presence, or more on control than on connection, we risk idolizing the method instead of honoring the soul before us.

Emunah means having the courage to enter the mess face first. Heart first. Our willingness to head straight into the muddy, murky waters of our clients’ pain, knowing that there are sparks, gems, and moments of connection waiting to be revealed.

Like Moshe Rabeinu, who “drew near to the thick cloud where G-d was” (ומשה נגש אל הערפל אשר שם הא-להים) we, too, approach the inner ערפל (fog) with reverence, not fear.

There is G-dliness in the darkest corners of our clients’ lives, and our own. That is where emunah is needed most. Emunatcha ba’leilot - faith in the night.

Faith allows us to tolerate the unknown. Healing work often moves into unpredictable territory. When we carry emunah, we don’t panic. We don’t rush. We remember that transformation isn’t something we manufacture, it’s something we midwife.

And when we hold this kind of steady faith, it’s felt by the client. Our calm is a safe and welcoming container. It becomes a co-regulating force that invites their nervous system to settle and open. Beyond technique; we’re offering a deep trust in the process that becomes a healing presence in and of itself.

2. Boundaries – Sacred Structure (the opposite of forbidden intimacy / Gilui Arayot)

Overt boundary violations like inappropriate touch are clearly unethical, but in therapy, boundaries can be crossed in far subtler, more insidious ways.

At the heart of AIR Therapy is a “power-with” stance, never “power-over,” where the therapist controls or dominates, and never “power-under,” where the therapist collapses or over-accommodates in an obsequious mess. Instead, we use our presence, skill, and clarity to support the client’s own goals while maintaining clear and loving boundaries of our own.

Gilui Arayot represents more than just forbidden intimacy, it’s a symbol of sacred structures being violated, of crossing into vulnerable terrain without the appropriate containment. In therapy, this can look like: Oversharing personal experiences when it takes space away from the client's space, pushing the client into deep emotional material before they’re ready, or letting our urgency push for a certain narrative or outcome.

When we want to invite a client into something challenging, a question that touches a vulnerable place, or an exercise that may stir discomfort, we must pause. Ask permission. You're standing on holy ground.

Don’t assume. Ask. Tread gently. Let the client know they have a choice. That they are not being pushed, but invited.

This is not just good technique, it’s reverence. A boundary-honoring stance that protects dignity and deepens trust.

Boundaries  create spaces where dignity and connection are possible. If there was no wall between my kitchen and my next-door neighbor’s bedroom, how long would it take for us to no longer be on good terms? The wall between us creates safety, clarity, and trust. When a therapist honors their own limits and respects the pace and space of the client, it sends a powerful message: “Your process is safe with me. You don’t have to protect me, and I won’t overstep you.”

In this way, sacred structure is not a limitation, it’s an essential vessel. It’s what allows for true intimacy, not the breakdown of it.

3. Non-Violence – Radical Gentleness (the opposite of murder / Shefichat Damim)

Once a therapist truly embodies the understanding that there are many paths to any goal, there is never a need to force. Even subtle coercion activates a client’s threat system and blocks access to the brain states necessary for healing.

Therapeutic violence doesn’t look like yelling or blaming. Sometimes it looks like: Trying to “fix” the client’s feelings too quickly, reframing pain before it’s been witnessed, interpreting instead of listening and reflecting, treating resistance as an obstacle rather than a form of communication. Plowing into minefields of shame without enough resources and support to hold it safely.

In AIR Therapy, resistance is sacred. It’s a sign of intelligence, a protector doing its job, a signal of something that needs tending. We don’t override it; we lean in with curiosity and care. What seems like resistance often reveals parts that are terrified, ashamed, or longing for something that hasn’t yet been named.

This radical gentleness isn’t just for the client. It begins with how we meet ourselves. Can we listen to our own fears, judgments, and reactivity with softness? Can we embody the spaciousness we hope to offer? Can we lead with compassion even into the murky waters of our own parts? In AIR Therapy, the therapist’s inner landscape is part of the healing field. Gentleness is a practice, toward the client, toward the process, and toward ourselves.

From a neuroscience perspective, this gentleness allows integration. The brain cannot rewire under threat. When the client feels respected, accompanied, and unpressured, healing pathways open. Shame begins to loosen. New possibilities begin to emerge.

Radical gentleness is deep courage, the kind that meets pain without needing to control it.

An Invitation to Reflect

If you are a therapist, consider a therapeutic process that went wrong. Maybe a client suddenly stopped showing up. Maybe they became hurt, defensive, or disengaged. Or perhaps they told you about a difficult experience with a previous therapist.

Was one of these three principles missing?

In my experience, when something goes truly wrong in therapy, it’s often because one of these foundations was overstepped or neglected. When that happens, we leave the realm of tikkun, and our power to help is compromised or derailed.

But when we align ourselves with these values, when we embody emunah, sacred structure, and radical gentleness, we create a loving, ethical, and transformative container in which healing can unfold naturally, through many different means.

If you are a therapist interested in learning more about Attuned Integrative Reconsolidation, check out the training page, or be in touch, Shalvila@gmail.com.